So I wanna talk about finding reference AFTER you’ve made an illustration. I have the worst luck with that kind of thing. I did a piece recently of Asuka, and I could not find a reference of her new plug suit from the side for the image. So I just guessed. Now that I’ve found it, all I see are the mistakes. It’s a thing that drives me nuts and it happens all the time. I’ll find a pose that is exactly what I was going for, or a hand gesture that was perfect for a drawing three drawings ago. Sure, inventing the form is great practice, but it’s nice to have something telling you “no, you got that wrong.”
I’m happy about this because it makes her easier to draw I never felt like I got her hair thingies right. It also helps that her hair is now reminiscent of Raven, except with bangs. Oh I am very tempted to draw more Korra.
this. This. THIS. THIS! MOTHERFUCKING THIS!
If you ever want to know how I feel about drawing pin ups and sexy girls, watch this fucking video. Sometimes I get people asking me to draw shit I don’t find sexually arousing in the slightest. On patreon a few days ago, one of my patrons asked me to draw a very large muscle woman. To me, the references and what he wanted was repulsive, but i was more than happy to oblige because nothing he wanted was actually harmful.
I’m afraid of a lot of things. I’m afraid that the modern way of life might become unsustainable. I’m afraid of falling asleep on the road, because I was out too late at night and too tired to know any better. I’m afraid that being an independent illustrator now might leave me with no retirement funds for if my hands go arthritic or my eyes go blind.
But one of the things I’m most afraid of are people who don’t know a thing about what they’re talking about. People have always found ways to simplify entire groups of “others” just to make sure they’re right. And if all you see when you see 4chan are the worst people there, get a mirror and look at tumblr here, or reddit there, or twitter over yonder. People who have to simplify things into evil little boxes are what make me truly afraid. Because I can take myself getting abuse, I’m grown up enough to know better. But when people in general stop understanding that the world is a complicated place with dimension and character and beauty and problems, that’ll be when the species truly ends. I am deeply afraid of that.
I ain’t afraid of being associated with 4chan, any more than I am afraid of being associated with tumblr, with gamers, with America. Each of those things have harbored some of the worst examples of subhuman shit stains the world has ever seen. But that doesn’t matter all that much does it?
All I can ever promise is try to be a good person. If all people want to do is put a label on me and dismiss me for frequenting a place that is also traveled by the obscene and the hateful, then forgive me for trying to live.
Had a dream about a videogame, and I need to write it down before I forget it. Ok, the game is a survival horror game where you are being hunted down by a werewolf. The game starts in a hotel some business men have kidnapped a man knowing that he is a werewolf. Within one of the rooms there are several sets of bars that the werewolf is bending to get at his captors, until one of the business men opens the door and hits him with a tranquilizer. He t then walks over to the groggy form, and ijects himwith something else and leaves. You are a woman who is in the hotel and you seee the creature leave his room as you enter yours. He sees you and begins hunting you. The entire point of the game is to avoid him and find out who those business men were and why they would let loose a werewolf. There is a time limit though, and you have to find the evidence before it runs out. There are two settings, the first is the hotel, and the second is a very large very fancy cabin in the woods.
… wait this is what I think alien isolation is going to be except with a werewolf instead of an alien. nevermind.
Damn unoriginal subconscious
velenor said: have you considered opening a Patreon page?
… and here I was thinking I’d been talking too much about my Patreon page.
when you really hate the fuck out of someone but you cant say shit because everyone else loves them and you know deep down in your cold dead heart that they’re a terrible person
So I’ve been working really hard to save up enough money to pay off my student loans. A couple weeks ago, I earned enough to pay one off, and I sent them the check. I just got confirmation that the payment went through. Now my monthly student loan payments will be 40 dollars less, and I saved a couple thousand in interest.
It’s a small victory, but a victory. Yet it feels hollow. I think why I don’t feel great is that it took me almost a year to save up for that loan. Medical stuff, and other expenses kept getting in the way. It’s so common that It makes me wonder if I’ll ever pay off the big loan.
To give you an example, the day I paid off this loan, was the day I was told that I had 2400 in dental work to look forward to. Earlier this year I had a 700 physical therapy bill. Every month there was a 180 loan payment, an additional 40 dollar loan payment, and living expenses. The typical stuff; food, gas, insurance, etc..
All of this being paid by a job that I earn 9.50/hr where I am doing the work of 3 people. It’s a seemingly easy job with built on a river of bullshit and drama. One day, I’ll make a post detailing exactly what this bullshit is, but not right now. Lets just say it’s affected my health, and leave it at that for now.
Oh and the monthly loan payment was bullshit. I was paying the max I could afford and it wasn’t enough. The 180 loan payment wasn’t actually contributing to paying off my loan. My balance went from 35 to 42k, The people I was paying told me that continuing the way I was, the entire loan would actually be 75k. In order to keep it at 42k, I’d have to pay over 400 a month. I obviously can’t pay that much, but I did increase it enough to pay off the interest plus a little bit of the balance. That brings me to 240 per month instead of 180.
It’s this change that has forced me to walk/take the bus everywhere. I simply can’t afford the gas to drive myself anywhere. The extra 50 dollars a month means I can fucking eat.
Now, I’ll admit, not every spare dime goes towards student loans. I budget myself videogames out of tips. I can be very charming, and usually make an extra 50-100 a month. I know that if I were more responsible, I’d use that money to pay off my loans as well, but without the escape I honestly don’t know what I’d do.
My situation isn’t as bad as some others. I’m cognizant of that, but these loan payments are a limiting factor. I was talking to a guy I know about storyboarding jobs, and most of them require moving to Burbank. I can’t fucking afford that shit. Having a 65k loan hanging over my head means I’m stuck in Idaho and it sucks.
For a while, I’ve thought that my ticket out would be to create something; a comic, a videogame, something. I even looked in to learning to program, but at this point I feel too old to learn new tricks. I’ve mentioned a few times about this comic idea I have. and I may just write out the story to share it. I think it’s a cool story. It’s just that the modern creative environment is so toxic I was beginning to question if it’s actually worth the trouble to make ANYthing. The only thing that will probably drive me to make the comic is a promise I made on Patreon. (I’ll come back to that later.) I mean, just look at that Spider-Woman cover controversy just a few days ago. I really don’t want to deal with that, and if my comic got big enough to support me, then I’d likely have to. I’ll say right now, I’m an artist and you shouldn’t give a fuck what my political opinions are. I try very hard on this blog to avoid that shit. I fail sometimes, but ultimately you shouldn’t give a fuck what I think about politics. Nor should you waste your heartbeats being angry about what I think. I just want to be able to draw, paint, and create the stuff that makes me happy. Until recently, I thought that was too much to ask.
And that brings me to why I’m grateful. I’m laying all of this out on the table because when I want to say thank you for your support on patreon, I truthfully honestly mean it. Right now, Patreon is at 206 a month. That pays 90% of my student loan per month. It lifts this enormous weight from my shoulders, and allows me to draw what I love drawing..
So trutthfully, honestly, thank you,
tl;dr Life sucks, but you guys make it better.
I’ll probably regret posting this. Eh, what the fuck.
OK, last one for the night. I’ve seen good Ibukis in action, and so I was actually really scared for this fight. If this Ibuki had been good, I would have lost easy, because I didn’t use delayed wake up which means she could have vortex’d me. I could be wrong, as I understand it, the delayed wake up feature exists in direct response to the vortex game.
I have such a tough time landing that juggle. His teleport was what won me the match. Yes, teleport in to my waiting arms.