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If not for my debt

I would have quit my job today.


when you really hate the fuck out of someone but you cant say shit because everyone else loves them and you know deep down in your cold dead heart that they’re a terrible person


I should be celebrating (real talk about my student loans, ambitions, and why I love you people)

So I’ve been working really hard to save up enough money to pay off my student loans. A couple weeks ago, I earned enough to pay one off, and I sent them the check. I just got confirmation that the payment went through. Now my monthly student loan payments will be 40 dollars less, and I saved a couple thousand in interest.  

It’s a small victory, but a victory. Yet it feels hollow. I think why I don’t feel great is that it took me almost a year to save up for that loan. Medical stuff, and other expenses kept getting in the way. It’s so common that It makes me wonder if I’ll ever pay off the big loan.

To give you an example, the day I paid off this loan, was the day I was told that I had 2400 in dental work to look forward to. Earlier this year I had a 700 physical therapy bill. Every month there was a 180 loan payment, an additional 40 dollar loan payment, and living expenses. The typical stuff; food, gas, insurance, etc..

All of this being paid by a job that I earn 9.50/hr where I am doing the work of 3 people. It’s a seemingly easy job with built on a river of bullshit and drama. One day, I’ll make a post detailing exactly what this bullshit is, but not right now. Lets just say it’s affected my health, and leave it at that for now.

Oh and the monthly loan payment was bullshit. I was paying the max I could afford and it wasn’t enough. The 180  loan payment wasn’t actually contributing to paying off my loan. My balance went from 35 to 42k, The people I was paying told me that continuing the way I was, the entire loan would actually be 75k. In order to keep it at 42k, I’d have to pay over 400 a month. I obviously can’t pay that much, but I did increase it enough to pay off the interest plus a little bit of the balance. That brings me to 240 per month instead of 180.

It’s this change that has forced me to walk/take the bus everywhere. I simply can’t afford the gas to drive myself anywhere. The extra 50 dollars a month means I can fucking eat.  

Now, I’ll admit, not every spare dime goes towards student loans. I budget myself videogames out of tips. I can be very charming, and usually make an extra 50-100 a month. I know that if I were more responsible, I’d use that money to pay off my loans as well, but without the escape I honestly don’t know what I’d do. 

My situation isn’t as bad as some others. I’m cognizant of that, but these loan payments are a limiting factor. I was talking to a guy I know about storyboarding jobs, and most of them require moving to Burbank. I can’t fucking afford that shit. Having a 65k loan hanging over my head means I’m stuck in Idaho and it sucks.

For a while, I’ve thought that my ticket out would be to create something; a comic, a videogame, something.  I even looked in to learning to program, but at this point I feel too old to learn new tricks. I’ve mentioned a few times about this comic idea I have. and I may just write out the story to share it. I think it’s a cool story. It’s just that the modern creative environment is so toxic I was beginning to question if it’s actually worth the trouble to make ANYthing. The only thing that will probably drive me to make the comic is a promise I made on Patreon. (I’ll come back to that later.)  I mean, just look at that Spider-Woman cover controversy just a few days ago. I really don’t want to deal with that, and if my comic got big enough to support me, then I’d likely have to. I’ll say right now, I’m an artist and you shouldn’t give a fuck what my political opinions are. I try very hard on this blog to avoid that shit. I fail sometimes, but ultimately you shouldn’t give a fuck what I think about politics. Nor should you waste your heartbeats being angry about what I think. I just want to be able to draw, paint, and create the stuff that makes me happy. Until recently, I thought that was too much to ask.

And that brings me to why I’m grateful. I’m laying all of this out on the table because when I want to say thank you for your support on patreon, I truthfully honestly mean it. Right now, Patreon is at 206 a month. That pays 90% of my student loan per month. It lifts this enormous weight from my shoulders, and allows me to draw what I love drawing..

So trutthfully, honestly, thank you,

tl;dr Life sucks, but you guys make it better.

I’ll probably regret posting this. Eh, what the fuck.

OK, last one for the night. I’ve seen good Ibukis in action, and so I was actually really scared for this fight. If this Ibuki had been good, I would have lost easy, because I didn’t use delayed wake up which means she could have vortex’d me. I could be wrong, as I understand it, the delayed wake up feature exists in direct response to the vortex game.  

I have such a tough time landing that juggle. His teleport was what won me the match. Yes, teleport in to my waiting arms.

About 30 seconds in I was like “oh, it’s going to be one of THOSE matches.”   

A bit too close for comfort, especially against a bad shoto. I almost lost this because I jumped in stupidly, because my fireball game wasn’t very good, and I kept getting hit by his thoughtless tatsus. What won me the match was the fact that he didn’t understand spacing, and that my ultra is super quick.  As he was attacking me in those last moments, I wasn’t even paying attention to the life bar, I was thinking “ok, I know this guy is going to press buttons, so I can just throw out this ultra.” I didn’t realize I was so close to a loss. I was holding back because I thought “OK, I know I’m going to ultra, but I’ve fucked up this Ultra every time today. I need to be super deliberate about my motions, which means I need to wait for an opening that will allow me to be super deliberate.” The minute he threw out that shoryu I was like “alright, I know he’s going to press buttons, but this gives me enough time to ultra.” 

Have I mentioned that I really fucking hate the T.Hawk match up? Because I really fucking hate it. The most annoying thing was that the guy had his mic on, and he was super pissed at the round that I won… WITH A METRIC FUCK TON OF EFFORT. Meanwhile he just condor dives his way to victory like a….  breathe morgan.

(Just gonna pick Blanka if I see that screen name again.)

I liked that I was able to land that juggle. The way the match ended made me so fucking angry though. I snatched defeat from the clutches of victory.

I should have been more aggressive. 

I hate this match up. I hate this match up so fucking much. I think it’s Chun Li’s worst match up. I mean, I know exactly what he wants to do. “Condor Condor Condor. MEXICAN TYPHOON. CONDOR CONDOR CONDOR.” And I’ll be fucking goddamned if I can’t do anything about it hardly.

Similar to the Yang fight, I won this because I was up against someone super inexperienced. That’s all I can think considering how much he focus’d. 

This Yang wasn’t very good. I know  yang is capable of a lot more pressure. I feel worse about this win than the previous losses.

I got El’ Fuerte’d

Not sure what to do in this match up. 

This Honda beat the shit out of me. I will say, while it had nothing to do with me losing, I was a bit thrown off by being able to hear him because he left his mic on.